STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize