Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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