you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
