Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Randomize
