i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
