Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I wear drunk well.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
