so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
