I want you more than these girls want KFC
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
