A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
