Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
