The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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