true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
