We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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