you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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