So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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