Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
