Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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