I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
