I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Randomize
