i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
