It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
