this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
