i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
