when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
