We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
