there was a trapeze. enough said
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Dignity is for republicans.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
