I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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