Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
