dude i'm inner monologue high
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
