you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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