Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize