So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
