so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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