"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize