ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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