Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
