Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
