we have officially lost it.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
