Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
