ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
