part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
