Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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