when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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