I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
