Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Randomize
