I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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