carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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