brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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