He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
