I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
