I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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