It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize