Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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