Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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