I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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