I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
they need to just BURY HIM!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
