Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
