I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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