What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
