my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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