your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
