Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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