if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
