My first STD was from a foam party
Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
So squirting runs in the family.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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