What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
