apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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