you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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